A Lonely Goodbye
by Sita Moonlight
Summary: She might be able to fool everyone else, but Phoebe couldn't fool herself. She did love Cole. Even if he was gone- she'd always love Cole.


Title: A Lonely Goodbye  
Author: Sita  
Summary: She might be able to fool everyone else, but Phoebe couldn't fool herself. She did love Cole. Evene if he was gone- she'd always love Cole.  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: post-"Centennial Charmed"  
Disclaimer: Don't own charmed. Yada. Yada. Yada. Oh and featured song "Goodbye To You" belongs to Michelle Branch.  
Distribution: Want. Take. Have. Just tell me where it's going first.  
  
AN: Just to let you all know, this is my first "Charmed" fiction, I usually write "Buffy" so tell me how it was!  
  
  
~~~~  
Of all the things I've believed in  
I just want to get it over with  
Tears form behind my eyes  
But I do not cry  
Counting the days that pass me by  
~~~~  
  
  
It was silent. Eerily silent in the Hallowell house on this starless night. Not even the sound of the occasional car passing by was heard, as Phoebe made her way over towards her window.  
  
Cole. The death of Cole had been on her mind ever since Paige had uttered two single words, "Cole's dead." She had truly thought she was over him. But, those two words had wounded her more than a bullet to the heart.   
  
Ever since the three sisters had gone to his apartment to make sure Cole was truly dead, the minutes seemed to pass like hours, and the hours like days. Everything seemed to be in slow motion.  
  
And she couldn't help but wonder: Am I still in love with him?  
  
  
~~~~  
I've been searching deep down in my soul  
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old  
Feels like I'm starting all over again  
The last three years were just pretend  
~~~~  
  
  
She knew it was time to move on. Start over again, but something was holding her back.   
  
Love.  
  
She hated that word. That word that had brought her so much pain and despair in the last few years. That single word left a bitter taste in her mouth, like sucking on a lemon until your lips became dry. She hated it. And that's what she was feeling now.  
  
Love.  
  
~~~~  
And I said,  
  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
~~~~  
  
Even thought she had felt as if she had let go just hours before, she felt like clinging now. Clinging to what was left of him. What good memories she could dig up.  
  
And when she felt the tears start to prickle at the back of her eyelids, she forced them back. She couldn't cry. Not for him.   
  
Why was she feeling this way over Cole? Why did he suddenly make her so upset? Why did she now, of all times, realize she was still in love with him?  
  
  
~~~~  
I still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems that I can't live a day without you  
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away  
To a place where I am blinded by the light  
But it's not right  
  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
~~~~  
  
She couldn't help but feel lonely, as she knew she was the only one up in the house morning the death of the horrid creature that Cole had turned out to be. And standing up, she took a step towards her dresser, pulling out a small picture frame from her panties drawer.   
  
The picture it held was the same one Cole had in his apartment. It was such a happy day. Something she'd never forget. She'd never forget the feeling she had around him back then, one of love. One of peace. One of calmness, contentment. Something she felt she was lacking now.  
  
And holding the picture frame near her heart, she climbed into bed, the picture frame lying on her as she closed her eyes.   
  
But instead of darkness behind her eyelids, all she could see was Cole.  
  
~~~~  
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time  
I want what's yours and I want what's mine  
I want you  
But I'm not giving in this time  
  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to   
~~~~  
  
Her eyes snapped open at the sound of small creaks coming from the floorboards. And, almost out of insanity, she expected to see Cole standing there. She expected him to take her into his arms, and make love to her. But, no one was there to greet her. Only the shadows.  
  
Why couldn't they be like they were years ago? Why did everything have to go to hell?   
  
And suddenly, unexpectedly, her own words floated back into her mind "Maybe it just wasn't meant to be"  
  
~~~~  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to   
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to....  
~~~~  
  
And even thought she felt they were meant to be at one point, she knew they weren't now.   
  
And finally, she let the tears come. Wet, salty river flowing down her cheeks in pools as she sobbed. And she clutched the picture closer to her heart. Wishing Cole's soul peace, as well as wishing for her own.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Cole." She choked out between sobs. "I'm so sorry."  
  
She'd never felt this lonely in her life.  
  
Truly, this was a lonely goodbye.  
  
~~~~  
And when the stars fall  
I will lie awake  
You're my shooting star  
~~~~  
  
And staring up at the ceiling, she uttered her own goodbye, "I love you, Cole."  
  
  
  
THE END.  
  
  
AN: Eeek, this was written in a VERY short amount of time. So sorry if it's not that good. Oh and I don't think I spelled their last name wrong. Oh well. PLEASE REVIEW! 


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